7 Conversation Tips for Shy People: Simple Keys to Effective Communication

Do social encounters make you feel nervous or self-conscious? You are not alone.

According to the Encyclopedia of Mental Health, nearly 50 percent of all American adults report shyness, especially around unfamiliar people.

Shy people rarely start conversations because they worry about how others view them. They fear disapproval or humiliation. Introverts and extroverts alike can experience shyness. It is usually an issue of confidence and self-esteem.

Feeling awkward in social situations can interfere with your ability to enjoy yourself. You may miss opportunities that other people eagerly embrace. Your shyness may cause unpleasant physical reactions such as blushing, sweating, and upset stomach. You may avoid social settings altogether.

Shyness causes discomfort in many areas of your life: meeting new people, dating, social events, business cold calls, public speaking, and other social situations. Not only does it keep you from feeling comfortable around strangers, but it also affects your friendships and other relationships.

Are you ready to improve your quality of life? Do you want to make a good impression on others? Here are seven conversation tips for shy people that will help you enjoy your next party, date, or business networking event. They are simple keys to effective communication.

Visualization is an important key to effective communication. Before you attend your next social event, visualize yourself as a confident person who makes friends easily.

Tell yourself that you are comfortable in social situations, and imagine a positive outcome. It may feel silly at first, but repeating self-affirmations can be an effective way to overcome shyness and learn to converse with people.

Do you want to know a secret to effective communication? Take the pressure off yourself and focus on other people. Instead of trying to impress someone with clever conversation, show a genuine interest in what others have to say.

When you focus on someone else, you make that person feel special. This can put you at ease and make you feel more relaxed, as well.

Learning to introduce yourself is an important conversation tip for shy people. Don't wait for someone else to say "hello" and invite you into the conversation. Offer a handshake, smile, and introduce yourself.

After the introduction, offer an appropriate compliment and follow up with a related question. When you start the conversation, you can steer it any way you wish. You are in control, and this gives you a feeling of confidence.

Express a genuine interest in other people, and make them feel important. This one of the best tips for effective communication.

When you show an interest in others and what they have to say, they will keep talking. Most people like to talk about themselves, and this takes the pressure off of you.

Active listening is the secret to good conversation. Listening to someone talk is easier than trying to think of something clever to say.

Other people often enjoy talking, and they are more likely to open up when you express a genuine interest in them. Active listening enables you to ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.

Good conversations are a balance between listening and talking. Ask open-ended questions that show your interest and encourage others to continue the conversation.

When you are comfortable, comment on your own experiences or share a story. This is an effective way to keep the conversation going.

Some conversations start out strong and continue strong. Others suddenly hit a lull where no one knows what to say.

Be prepared for the lulls. Make general comments about the food or room, or ask a question to get the conversation going again.

Not sure what to talk about? Awkward pauses are a good time to change the subject or excuse yourself. Knowing when to end a conversation is also important for effective communication.

You will not like everyone you meet, and not everyone will like you. This is not a personal reflection on you; it is merely a fact of life. As you introduce yourself to new people and enter into new conversations, your communication skills will improve.

The best conversation tip for shy people is simply to relax. When you feel at ease, others will feel comfortable around you. Your conversational skills will get better with practice, so step out of your comfort zone and engage with new and interesting people.

• APA contributors. (2012) "Shyness." American Psychological Association. Retrieved September 14, 2012.
• Casriel, Erika. (March 1, 2007 / June 4, 2012). "Shedding Shyness." Psychology Today. Retrieved September 13, 2012.
• Henderson, Lynne and Philip Zimbardo. (2008)."Shyness." Encyclopedia of Mental Health. Retrieved September 13, 2012.

Health / Medical Disclaimer: The information presented on this website is not intended as health or medical advice, and it is not a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment by a qualified health care professional.

Copyright © 2012. Annette R. Smith. All rights reserved.

Published: September 14, 2012 / Modified: May 31, 2013.

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